Women dress for women first and men second

Women dress for women first and men second. I dress for myself first." - Cher


Adding spice into your sex life

If you feel your love life has grown rather dull, I hope the suggestions I'm going to make here will help. They can certainly be fun!

Take a break. Even if you have children, parents, jobs, it's perfectly possible to plan your lives so that you have one day a month off alone together. You don't have to do anything expensive.

A bus ride into the country and a peaceful walk will do you both a power of good - and if it's warm there are all sorts of inviting private places to make love with a breeze on your face - a great reviver of flagging passions.

Say "I love you" at least once a day. But only if you mean it! Saying "I love you" on auto-pilot as you pick up your coat, or through clenched teeth when you really long to have a row, means those special little words lose all meaning the times when it would be sincere.

However, do make it a regular habit that you tell your partner how much you care. We reserved British tend to think our partner must realise, but no-one is a mind-reader and it's always a turn-on to be told.

Imagine your partner has been having an affair. So often men and women pull out all the stops when they learn their partner has been unfaithful to them.

They make extra efforts to look attractive, suddenly realise what they had been taking for granted, follow all the suggestions in a guide like this.

Don't wait till disaster strikes your relationship. Imagine how it would feel and take all those positive precautions now.

Write love letters. It’s wonderful to receive a love letter, even just a little note left under the pillow. Just the occasional card or brief note will be treasured and more than repaid in love.

If it never seems to occur to your partner to make such a gesture, don't simply seethe inwardly. Tell them that's what you'd like - and set them a good example.

Focus on sensation. Just as we experience pain more intensely if we think about it and picture the hurt, so it is with pleasure.

You can't expect to experience intense physical delight if you aren't totally focussed on what you're doing. Think about the physical sensations, skin against skin, every touch, caress and pressure.

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Remember the most important organ of sexual pleasure is said to be the brain, so use it to concentrate when you make love.

Turn off the TV. Television is a terrific source of entertainment but it tends to limit the attention we pay each other and the efforts we make to develop our relationships to the full. Try a night a week without television.

Playing games and talking more together often leads to our loving more together.

Make love over the phone. It doesn't have to be heavy, but an occasional saucy message brightens the day. Illicit lovers thrive on text sex. So can committed partners.

Experiment. It can feel very threatening suddenly to be asked to try something different in the middle of making love, so prepare the ground.

Each make a note of three or four things you'd like to try - techniques, positions, caresses, dressing up, whatever - and discuss them. You'll probably find you're both willing to experiment with most of them at least once and you might even transform your love-making!

Give yourself a boost. If you often avoid sex when your partner feels like it, yet you can't put your finger on any real reason, it can often be because you are out of love with yourself rather than with your partner.

It's hard to feel sexy if you don't see yourself as attractive and personable.

Get out of this self-punishing cycle and give yourself as big a treat and ego-boost as you can afford.

It might be new clothes and hairstyle, or perhaps an adventurous trip away, learning to drive or another new skill, working for a qualification - whatever fits your personal bill and makes you pleased with yourself.

Accept there are highs and lows. No-one can live their life on a high of ecstasy. You actually need quieter periods of calm. It is the same in your sex life.

You couldn't appreciate the times when it is pure joy if they didn't occur against a background of a basically more earthbound sex life. Be realistic and you are far less likely to end up disappointed.

I hope these ideas will help you. If your sex life is dull - or even non-existent - because of a more serious sexual or relationship problem than mere routine boredom, then it will take rather more advice than this to sort things out.

If that's the case, then do please write to me, so that I can send you the right help for your problem.

You might like my free leaflets on 50 Ways To Add Sparkle To Your Love Life, How To Revive Sex Drive, or those on solving premature ejaculation, erection or orgasm problems, or on looking after your relationship.

I promise you, most people's sex lives can be transformed with help. It's just a case of knowing what to try.
source: the sun

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