Secrets of great sex at all ages
LOVED crazy positions in your twenties, tried dress-up in your thirties and joined the mile-high club in your forties?
Then you are not alone.
On our sexual journeys, the majority of us will try out different turn-ons in the quest for a perfect sex life through the ages.
And, according to sexpert Tracey Cox, our beside manner trends are pretty standard all over the country.
Here, we look at her findings on sex at different stages of our lives, taken from the bestselling book, Sextasy.
In your twenties
He can’t stop thinking about sex
Eighty-five per cent of 20- to 30-year-old men think about sex every couple of hours.
She’s had same-sex fantasies or been bi-curious
Imagining what it would be like to make love to another woman is nearly always one of the top three female fantasies.
Statistically only 4 per cent of women tick the ‘had a lesbian experience’ box in surveys but in my experience, it’s way, way higher than that.
There’s plenty of incentive: A 2006 study of nearly 2000 people discovered that 76 per cent of women who slept with women reached orgasm (for women with men, you are pushing it at 50 per cent).
Lesbians are also the least promiscuous group and consistently report the highest sexual satisfaction.
Almost everyone’s tried ‘The Wheelbarrow’
This is the age and stage where most of us experiment with positions – the more athletic and bonkers – the better!
About one in 10 people have had a threesome And most of you did it in your early twenties.
Threesomes and moresomes aren’t quite as common as you think.
The majority of people who’ve had them try them once or twice, then go back to one-on-one sex.
The less you know the people involved, the more likely you are to see it as a positive experience. It’s also likely that you’ll visit a strip club or lapdancing club – with your friends but increasingly often with your partner – at some point in your 20s.
In your thirties
Almost all of you have had sex outside
A throwback from our teens – when we did most of our sexual experimentation behind the bike shed, in the bushes, or in the back of a car – most of us will have sex somewhere semi-public in our thirties.
Under the cover of darkness in a park, on a beach, or in your own garden are the top choices.
Sex in the shower and sex in a hot tub is also popular.
Some of you will try bondage, blindfolds and spanking
Around 20 per cent of thirty-year-olds spice up their sex life with this kind of thing in your thirties
Either you or your partner have had your hands tied together to a chair or four-poster bed on a dirty weekend away.
Lots will continue to enjoy tying each other up but only 5 to 10 per cent of the population will go on to more serious S&M.
She’ll have several gay male friends
Straight women love gay men; gay men love straight women. Why? Well, we’re more alike than you think!
Swedish research is confirming just why the two groups get along so famously – we both have symmetrical brains.
Straight men and lesbians have asymmetrical brain hemispheres.
This is more evidence that sexual orientation is not a choice – it may be attributed in part to neurobiology.
You’ll have kids – and kiss your sex life goodbye
Or will you? Some stats shows that it’s not actually that bad.
During pregnancy, couples have sex four to five times a month.
Most stop for seven weeks after the birth but four months later are back to four or five times a month.
Breastfeeding doesn’t seem to affect this either. Six months after the birth, the average couple then have sex three to five times a month.
These are the official stats, but they don’t correlate with my experience.
Judging by the hundreds of letter I receive on the topic, these stats don’t reflect real life.
My personal estimate would be that most couples have sex once a month while their kids are really young and sex doesn’t really return to normal for another two years.
The trick in getting through? Don’t pretend it’s not happening, instead reassure each other it’s a temporary glitch, keep touching and cuddling and when you do have sex, have quickies.
Her orgasm quote rises
Ninety per cent of women past 30 regularly experience orgasm, compared to just 23 per cent of younger women.
Most of this will be achieved through masturbation and oral sex.
One survey found that married women found oral sex the most enjoyable way to orgasm.
In the 1930s only 44 per cent of women ever enjoyed oral sex. Today, the number of women in their thirties enjoying oral sex is 87 per cent (the remaining 13 per cent are standing on a cliff ready to jump).
In your forties
More than half of men will have had problems getting an erection
Up to 52 per cent of men between the age of 40 and 70 will find their penises suddenly have a mind of their own.
Almost half of you will have been unfaithful
The official stats range between 22 and 42 per cent but I’m leaning towards the higher end of the figure.
Even people who rated themselves ‘pretty happy’ in their marriage cheat.
They’re twice as likely to have an affair as those who rated themselves as ‘very happy’.
Only 25 per cent of men in another study said they’d had ‘lots of marital problems’ before an affair compared to 48 per cent of women.
So how happy is happy enough to ward off extra-marital temptation?
The problem here is we’re pursuing ‘ultra-happiness’, expecting our lives to be ridiculously romantic and sex-fuelled.
The things that make us unfaithful? You’re high risk if you’ve been together a long time, have had a high number of partners before marriage, you’re male, live in the city and think about sex everyday.
You’re most likely to have unsafe sex.
STIs have doubled in under a decade in people over 45 and are rising faster than teenagers.
Whatever your age, you should be aware that STIs and unwanted pregnancies aren’t only a risk to youngsters.
You’re having less sex than ever
But the good news is, it’s better quality.
Eighteen to 29-year-olds have sex an average of 112 times a year, 30-39 year olds around 89 times a year. Blow out that last candle on your 40th birthday cake (if you haven’t passed out with the effort) and your average drops to 69.
No need to be depressed though. The frequency might drop, but the satisfaction levels rise.
Men will be regularly watching porn
Men make up two-thirds of the users of sexually explicitly internet sites and account for 77 per cent of online time.
Most women will have checked out internet porn by their 40s too.
Despite the high level of interest, few people (1 per cent) become addicted. Of those that are though, 30 per cent are married men.
Extract taken from Sextasy by Tracey Cox, published by DK price pound sterling 12.99.