Sex talk for beginners
ELEVEN-year-olds should be taught about sexually transmitted infections, a Government backed report has suggested.
Teachers should give lessons on different methods of contraception to reduce the teen pregnancy rate and family doctors must deliver better sexual health care.
The recommendations come in a report commissioned by the Department of Health which warned that the scale and nature of sexual ill-health in Englands is of "grave concern".
It follows an early study which advised parents to use steamy sex scenes from popular soaps - like Mischa Barton's lesbian kiss in OC - to break the ice when talking about sex with their chidren.
Studies have shown that good sex education reduces teen pregnancies and risky behaviour, but many parents are embarrassed, or uncertain what to say.
Honesty - and simplicity - is the best policy, according to David Kesterton of the Family Planning Association.
Here are a few golden rules and our age-by-age guide to sex education.
START EARLY
PARENTS are often uncertain about talking to pre-school children about sex and relationships, but kids do ask questions from a very early age.
Answer questions in an age-appropriate way. It will be much easier when they are older and asking more detailed questions.
BE HONEST
DON'T talk about birds and bees, the stork or finding babies in cabbage patches.
It might save your blushes for now but in the long run you could lose your child's trust.
KEEP IT SIMPLE
YOUNG children in particular don't want lots of detail. Give brief and simple answers and their next question will probably be: "Can I have a sweet?"
HAVE A DELAY PHRASE
IF you are stuck for words, say something like: "That's a good question, we'll talk about that when we get home."
And make sure you do.
IT'S NOT JUST BIOLOGY
SEX education often focuses on the mechanics of reproduction rather than the emotions.
Don't be afraid to give kids guidelines such as: "I think it's better to wait until you meet someone really special."
BE PREPARED
BEFORE you start discussing sex with your kids, think about the words you are comfortable using.
You may find using formal language such as vagina and penis easier than fanny or willy.
DO YOUR HOMEWORK
SEX education is not brilliant now but it was even worse when a lot of today's parents were growing up.
Check out the sex education books at your local library.
The Family Planning Association runs Speakeasy courses designed to help parents.
SEX ISN'T A DIRTY WORD
IF you are embarrassed, try not to show it - it will only rub off on the kids.
Sex is not "dirty" and it is important to stress that it is a normal part of human behaviour.
If you are really worried, get some good sex education books and leave them around the house.
USE EVERYDAY SITUATIONS
BE prepared to start a conversation about sex and relationships.
Some kids won't ask questions but neighbourhood events or TV soap storylines can provide an opportunity to raise the subject.
IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL
DON'T sit children down for a "serious" sex talk - it will probably make you both feel awkward.
It is often easier to talk while you are doing something else such as the dishes, flying a kite or walking home from school.
UNDER FIVES
CHILDREN develop differently so don't worry if your child doesn't ask these questions -or comes up with others.
Where do babies come from?
Mummy's tummy.
How does the baby get in?
Daddy has the seed and puts it inside Mummy. Then the baby grows inside her.
Can men have babies?
No, but Mummy's egg needs Daddy's seed.
Why is my willy standing up?
They do that sometimes, it's nothing to worry about.
Why don't girls have a penis?
Girls have a vagina instead.
A good book is Mummy Laid An Egg, by Babette Cole, Pounds 5.99.
FIVE TO NINE
WHERE does Daddy keep his seeds?
He keeps them in the little bags under his penis. They're sometimes called the balls but the correct name is the testicles.
How does the seed get into Mummy?
When Daddy's penis goes hard he can put it into Mummy's vagina. Then his seed can come out and meet one of Mummy's eggs. Then it can begin growing into a baby.
Mummy, why do you have to buy those boxes of tampons or towels every month?
When girls are more grown-up their body produces a little bit of blood every month. This is normal and natural -we call it a period. The tampons or towels are just so it doesn't make a mess.
Where does the baby come out?
It comes out from between Mummy's legs, from the front hole which is called the vagina. It stretches to let the baby out.
What does being gay mean?
It means when two men or two women fall in love and want to be together.
A good book for primary school children to read is Let's Talk About Where Babies Come From, by Robie Harris, published by Walker Books, Pounds 8.99.
NINE TO TEENS
CAN I get pregnant first time?
Yes! A woman's fertility varies throughout the month but there's no time when it is not possible to get pregnant - even during her period.
Having sex standing up or washing thoroughly after sex won't prevent pregnancy either.
Will masturbation cause me any harm?
No. From puberty onwards it's normal for girls and boys to masturbate. It's one of the ways we learn more about how our bodies work. It's something we do in private and on our own.
What's a blow job?
Sometimes men and women enjoy licking or sucking each other's genitals as a way of giving pleasure to their partner. Some people like it, others don't. You can still catch some sexually transmitted infections in this way.
Why do I have a sticky patch on my sheets in the morning?
Boys going through puberty often have what are called wet dreams. This is completely normal. It is basically an overflow of semen. It's nothing to feel embarrassed about.
When is it OK to start having sex?
The age of consent for sexual intercourse is 16 but some people start earlier and some start much later.
What is important is that you feel comfortable and not under pressure in any way.
It doesn't matter what your friends say or do, it is OK to say no. It is what you want that is important.
A lot of boys and girls who have sex at a young age later regret it. Sex is something special and it should be treated that way.
Why are my boobs/penis smaller than other kids in the class?
We are all different and we all develop at different rates. The changes that take place at puberty begin much earlier in some children than others.
Some children don't begin to change until about 14.
Even when we are adults we are all different -that is what makes us interesting.
source: thesun
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