Succeed with Time Management

The Treasury in Petra, Jordan
“Continuous improvement is better than delayed perfection” ~Mark Twain
Succeed with Time Management


The goal of all education is to prepare individuals for success in life and moreover success is a journey, not a destination. Since the beginning of human history we have been living under certain universal laws that have operated our daily lives whether we are aware of them or not. One of such laws is the law of correspondence, which tells that your outer world is a mirror of the inner world. In simple words, your outer world corresponds to your inner world. What’s going on around you is a reflection of what’s going on inside you. One of the greatest responsibilities you have to yourself is to keep yourself thinking like a winner all day long. Certainly one will come across inevitable setbacks and disappointments of daily life and one wins upon the following situations if he/she thinks like a winner. True measure of your character is decided by your thought on what you want and what you do not want? We generally become upset, angry and lost control of ourselves when things go wrong. This is a natural tendency of most of the people, but people who have success in their life always have a winner’s attitude and mentality. They continue to think about wining and success even under the most difficult or adverse circumstances. Those who think about success and achievement all day long are basically the successful people. As per the law of the attraction, each human being is a living magnet, that we radiate thought energy and that we invariably attract into our lives the people and circumstances that harmonize with our dominate thoughts. When people think out positive and happy things, they automatically attract positive and happy people and circumstances into their lives and vice-versa. The choice is always up to you. One of the greatest key to positive thinking is the ability to look for good in every situation. Sooner or later, those who win are those who think they can. Time management is an essential success skill. Managing your time effectively will help you to;
l Be more productive

l Reduce your stress level

l Improve your self esteem

l Establish an important career skill

l Reach your goal

l Balance and successful life

What is success?

The meaning of success comes in many forms, and many definitions. It all depends on what you are searching for in life. Athletes may have one definition of success, and a stay at home mom may have another. A musician may see success as a number one hit, and a doctor may see success as a surgery that went well. It basically depends on the prospective of life you have. Let’s differentiate between accomplishment, success and true success.

Accomplishment

It is related to the task or action that you have attempted, and the desired results obtained. It is based on what was expected, and what results were done. People accomplish things all day long, but really achieve no success in those actions.

Success

Ongoing string of accomplishments when put together, add up to a major obtainment in life is known as success. It is an ongoing realization and obtainment of worthy results, concerning actions, life wealth, or a worthy deal. It is not just accomplishment, it is beyond that. It is basically measured by the number of achievements you make. But the route which you follow to reach your goals is what actually matters.

True success

True success is simply the realization and obtainment of a worthy ideal or result that your heart is deeply connected to it. It is what people die for it. It is a success that soaked with emotion, powered by passion, driven by destiny, and forged with the fire of the heart. That is why that, many athletes have long career. Basically their heart is attached to their success.

Success is based on what you have done with the opportunities you have been given. Success is not created in wealth or fame; it is created in the sincere attempt to reach a goal. It is destination that we must be continually striving to get to. When anyone accomplishes a goal, they have temporary success. You should set multiple smaller goals for yourself in order to reach the final desired destination. To remain successful, you must remain in motion because success never stays with you and it moves constantly. Success is a long hard road often includes many failures and trails before you reach the end.

Spend 10–15 minutes to create a one or two sentence phrase that will sum up your very own definition of success. As an example if my key success words were;

1. Freedom

2. Money

3. Peace

4. Flexibility

5. Time for time

6. Making for a difference

7. Leaving a legacy, etc.

Analyze the meaning of success from the phrase written against the words. This will indicate the next course of action to be drawn so as to reach the success point.

Success can be based under the following;

I. Target

II. Focus

III. Hard work

IV. Faith/believe

V. Dedication, and

VI. Prayer

If you want to be a teacher, that’s a target and it should be with you to be successful in life. You must focus on the things/requirements that qualify you to be a teacher. So you must focus in that area to attend those qualities for you to be successful in life. There is no short cut route to success, only it can be achieved through sheer hard work. The top of the ladder is never crowded, but only can be reached through the steps and it is the steps of hard works. You must believe in yourself, you must say to yourself down from your heart, that you can make it, that you can pass through the turns of been a teacher. You must be dedicated in what you have determined to do in life so as to attain success in life. Dedication is the spirit to duty. Prayer is the key to all success in life. It gives you the strength to be focused, to work hard and to be dedicated. If followed properly in our daily life and affairs, then sky is ours.

What is time management?

Practically speaking, time is constant; 60 seconds per minute, 60 minutes per hour, 24 hours per day and 7 days a week (24/7). It can neither be reversed nor forwarded, and moreover can not be stored. However, the usage of time differs among each individual. Some might give time the capacity to control their lives, and others find themselves a slave of time. Some might have no time at all to relax and create a stress-free life style. But one should not make time an enemy.

Time is one of the most important resources for everyone, and sometimes most valuable. In a few case timing is everything. A sense of time can motivate, focus efforts, and get more done per hour. Time is important due the following reasons;

l It is wisely said that if you value life, value what life is made of. Your time is your life, use it or enjoy it.

l Time is a major function of your career. Time plays an important role in your progress and prosperity, know how to use it and you can achieve much more quickly.

l Time is a major resource, because time itself is a raw material and knowledge of or a system of using it. If managed properly, will give rise to the optimum result as required.

There are several differences between time and other resources;

1. Time is obtained free of charge, just like the air we breath. Each morning 24 hours worth time is given to us.

2. One can never have more time than anyone else. But it is clear that some people achieve infinitely more than others in the same period.

3. Time can not be saved and used at a later date.

4. There no substitute for time in the way that there are substitutes for other resources.

5. Every activity, no matter how small or large, requires use of commodity called time.

6. You can make better use of your own time, others can not do so, and neither can they steal it from you.

Proper use of time is a problem for many people. An excellent solution to this is to get organized through time management. Some common misconceptions about time management are;

l Time management is common sense and does not require much effort.

l I work better under pressure, so time management will be counter productive.

l I do not have time for time management techniques.

l Time management is too serious and does not leave room for fun in life.

But the truth is time management is key to life and career success. Time management helps to learn more and exert greater control over your activities and life. Getting control of your time is the key to accomplishing what you want in life. Successful time management is important in all areas of life. If you can become the master of your time then you will reap the reward in both your professional and personal life. We are guilty of wasting time and putting things of till tomorrow, but the more you can effectively manage your time then the happier you will become.

Instead of controlling, suppressing, or constricting your freedom, time management enables you to achieve the things you really want and frees up time to enjoy life. Every one is allotted the same amount of time in life, that is, 24 hours in each day. You can save or steal time. You should learn how to invest it wisely. As one anonymous author said, “Time and tide wait for no one”. Remember to;

l Start with yourself and analyze how you waste valuable time.

l Decide to change poor working habits by replacing them with effective tasks.

l Set yearly, monthly, weekly and daily goals and then develop strategies to reach these goals.

l Write to-do list with 80/20 rule in mind, do the most significant things first (80/20 rule is also known as Pareto rule. It is named after Vilfredo Pareto, Italian economist of 19th century. This rule states that 80 percent of all that happens at work is really the result of 20 percent effort. Most people spend 80 percent of their time trying to complete 20 percent of their tasks).

Time is your most valuable resource. Unless time is managed, nothing else can be managed. If time gets away from us, every other part of our life will get away from us, too. Time management is self management. Spend both time and money wisely so you will have plenty of each.

Some of the common time wasters

1. Problem

Feeling so over whelmed and anxious about your workload that you “freeze” put things off and does not get anything done.

Solution

1. Set priorities

2. Get started

2. Problem

Procrastination: Spending time on irrelevant tasks when you know you should be studying. Procrastination is the thief of time.

Solution

1. Dividing seemingly complex tasks into smaller parts.

2. Setting up a time scale and deadline for achieving each part of a task.

3. Dealing with unpleasant task first, so that they are out of the way.

4. Action plan and prioritize your activities and tasks on a weekly basis.

3. Problem

Putting off starting a task because, it feels so overwhelming or difficult that you can not face it.

Solution

Break up the work load into small chunks.

4. Problem

Daydreaming or “drifting off”

Solution

Check your energy level and concentration. Take a short break or a little exercise every hour.

5. Problem

Feeling that you can not begin because, you won’t be able to produce a perfect result.

Solution

Rather than aiming for a masterpiece each time, aim at reasonable results.

6. Problem

Poor planning

Solution

Planning is a way of saving time for errors. Mistakes usually happen because of unexpected and unforeseen factors such as a wrong estimate of resources or new problems. With the proper plan and preparation, these unforeseen circumstances can be minimized.

7. Problem

Interruptions - telephone.

Solution

Instead of being at the whim of callers, make the phone work for you.

8. Problem

Socializing, idle conversation

Solution

Effective conversation as per the situation demand should be adopted and followed.

9. Problem

Un-clear objectives and priorities

Solution

Set priorities as per the goal you want to achieve and the objective is to be clearly defined at the beginning of performing the task.

10. Problem

Stress

Solution

Some suitable method should be followed to reduce stress of any kind. Stress is highly objectionable during performing effective tasks and hence needs special care and attention.

11. Problem

Inability to say “No” Solution

Decide what you want to do and realistically can do and then say “no” to everything else. It is often accepted much more easily than you think.

12. Problem

E-mail and instant messenger interruptions

Solution

Reading and answering e-mails can consume a big portion of your day. Make sure you only allow a certain amount of time for checking the mail, and then ensure that you stick to that schedule.

13. Problem

Leaving tasks unfinished, jumping from one task to another

Solution

Complete the first task first and then move to the next task. Incase of urgency try to reschedule the time instead of jumping to the new task before the completion of first task.

14. Problem

Playing cards, games, watching television, etc. frequently

Solution

Perform the above activities only during the time slot allotted for them.

15. Problem

Lack of self-discipline, not carrying through plan

Solution

One should control himself as per set of rules and regulations either prepared by you or laid down by the system. Stick to the plan as far as possible unless some very urgent task comes into picture.

16. Problem

Constantly switching priorities

Solution

Follow strictly to the priorities prepared to achieve the goal.

Effective time management for achieving success

The main benefit of effective time management is that, it can drastically improve the quality of your life. Following are the hints to effective time management;

Ø Personal survey or analyze your present use of time

Ø Prepare an event calendar

Ø Prepare a chart of fixed commitment

Ø Schedule high priority activities for peak energy times

Ø Schedule most difficult activities for peak times and do them first

Ø Make weekly schedule

Ø Establish a regular study schedule

Ø Change study subjects frequently

Ø Take breaks

Ø Use odd hours for study

Ø Study with a partner

Ø Choose study area carefully

Ø List and prioritize daily goals

Ø Get enough sleep

Ø Make a daily check list

Ø Prepare a quarterly planning grid

Conclusion

The idea of the time management has been in existence for more than 100 years. It is an art itself. It is very easy to understand but difficult to follow. To effectively manage your time, you need to follow certain values and be disciplined in all activities. It is basically a process. Keeping track of how you spend your time is not time management. Time management is about making changes to the way you spend your time. The carpenter’s rule of “measure twice, cut once” equally holds good for every one of us to succeed in life. Plan your work. Take a few minutes to write out your goal and then list the steps to achieve them. Make sure to distinguish the goals that are truly important from those that may seem urgent but are really not important. If you have never managed your time before, it will take a little bit time to learn how and to do it. But just like anything else, the more you do it, the better you get. It is advised to stick with it for approximately 30 days so as to evaluate its effectiveness

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Kalam lays out 7-pt oath for OU students

Hyderabad, Feb.1: President A.P.J. Abdul Kalam outsmarted students at the Osmania University’s 77th convocation on Thursday.

Dr Kalam asked whether the students would like to listen to his entire address spanning 20 minutes or a summary comprising a seven-point oath.
The students were clearly in favour of the summary. The President then administered an oath to the students, but after that presented his full address.

The seven points of Dr Kalam’s oath were:

(1). I realize that I have to set a goal in my life and to achieve the goal I will acquire knowledge and work hard so that when a problem occurs I will defeat it and succeed.

(2). As a youth of my nation, I will work and work with courage to achieve success in all my tasks and enjoy the success of others.

(3). I shall always keep myself, my surroundings, neighbourhood and environment tidy.

(4). I realize that righteousness is in the heart and righteousness in heart leads to beauty, which again leads to character, which in turn leads to harmony at home, and harmony in home leads to order in the nation will lead to peace in the world.

(5). I will lead an honest life, free from all corruption and set an example for others to adapt righteous way of life even if difficulties come.

(6). I will light the lamp of knowledge in the nation and ensure it remains lit for ever.

(7). I realize that whatever work I do, if I do it best I am contributing towards the vision of a developed India by 2020


(source: Deccan Chronicle)

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25 ways to be happy in 2010

aishwarya rai
bipasha basu
kangana
katrina kaif
sameera reddy

deepika padukone

Diya Mirza
Amrita Rao
Deepika Padukone
Kamalini Mukherji
anil kumble

Shirya, Shriya Saran heroine of the year (thanks to Sivaji)
Kareena Kapoor
mallika sherawath

Happiness happens to those who seek it
By Shobhaa De

Let me give you the good news first: It is possible to be happy. Yes, even in today's times, when the odds are stacked so heavily against happiness. There is a catch to being happy, I must warn you. And it is this: In order to achieve happiness, a person first has to want to be happy. Desire it. Identify it. And acknowledge as much. When was the last time you-yes, you-thought about being happy? Actually sat down and said to yourself, " I want to be happy."Sounds simple? Foolish? Think about it... I did. And this very elementary statement of a very fundamental desire, made me acutely aware of my own state of mind at that point (restless, irritable, intolerant). Once I'd identified the basics (happiness-generators), I then went about discarding most of the causes that stood in the way of my achieving this really, really underrated condition that we take so much for granted but barely understand.We assume everybody else in the world is happy but us. We also assume , everybody's idea of happiness is more or less the same as our own. We focus excessively on things that don't make us happy, rather than on those that do. It becomes a vicious cycle of regurgitating all that annoys, rather than a remembrance of all the uplifts. During the past few years, I noticed that I had started to frown more and smile less! How awful... that's when I said to myself, "It's time to take stock... starting now!"But first, I had to regress....become a child again. Or rather, rediscover the child in me. The little girl who used to laugh a lot, often for no apparent reason. The same one who possessed an insatiable curiosity about nearly every aspect of everyday life. The pony-tailed teenager who'd rush out of the house to dance in the rain, and talk to the moon because it was smiling. When was the last time I'd stopped to stare with fascination at a particularly pretty autumn leaf....a painting... or listen to snatches of a long forgotten song?Today, I'm fortunate enough to have the resources to buy some of the things I used to dream about owning as a young person. But do I have the time to enjoy them? I glance at my pricey wrist watch and realise it just sits on my wrist as the hours fly. I've stopped noticing its classic lines and sophisticated mechanism. Imagine the irony of it all. We spend years lusting after material objects that are supposed to enhance our lives in tangible ways, but in reality, by the time we acquire these goodies and revel in our well-earned lifestyle perks, we are either too blasé, too exhausted or-this is the worst-too ill to appreciate our good luck! That's when reality checks kick in. For a lot of prosperous men, the trappings of success ( multiple cars, great homes, impressive whiskies on the bar, rare cognacs, Cuban cigars, a choice of young bed partners) oh, all that they may have fantasised about during their lean and mean youth-it's right there, waiting to be devoured. Damn. If only the by-pass surgery hadn't taken the fun out of the promised adventure. Imagine... a single stroke of a pen on a cheque can change ones life as drastically as an entirely different kind of medical stroke that can kill in an instant, too.Sometimes, when I'm feeling especially philosophical, I transport myself mentally to my adored beach in Goa. I recall all those magical moments, lying on a deck chair, feeding papayas to straying cows, snoozing lazily, sipping chilled coconut water, reading in a desultory fashion and enjoying the warmth of a winter sun on my bare shoulders. Later, much later, while locating my flip- flops half- buried in the sand, a strange realisation shakes me out of my temporary stupor. It's the sand that does it...all those millions of tiny grains, only to be impatiently shaken off. I look down at my toes and laugh. One day, I too shall be reduced to less than that grain of sand. So shall we all. How foolish and worthless our vanities appear in such a chilling context.I promptly straighten my shoulders and look skywards, same story. In this vast and mysterious universe, who and what are we? Not even the tiniest of tiny specks. It is such a liberating moment. I generally throw my head back and laugh at the absurdity of existence. For a few days that follow, I follow my heart, not head. It's reassuring to know that's still possible. I listen to plaintive Goan mandos and feel deliciously emotional. Charlie Brown was so right when he declared, "Happiness is a sad song..."Before starting this piece, I made a list of what it was that makes my heart soar. Topping it was 'Family'. I guess 99 per cent of the people in the world would readily agree. No family, no joy. In India, we still believe in the deeply nurturing aspects of a fulfilling family life. We continue to value the concept of 'kutumb'. It is where we seek our deepest emotions. It is where we retreat when we need comfort. I cannot think of happiness without the love and warmth that family provides.

Starting there, I'd like to share my 25 key tips for finding (and keeping) the universe's most elusive, most desired emotional state-happiness. These basic, uncomplicated guidelines have helped me. At least a few of them are bound to help you. For, as a stressed out banker-friend trustingly asked me, "At the end of the day, every human being wants just one thing-to be happy. Right?" Yup. Absolutely right!!

1. Be selfishBe vain. Ask anyone, "Do you lead a selfish life?" Or, " Are you vain?" and the person will hotly deny it. We all like to see ourselves as generous people who help others. But in reality, most of us only help those who can help us! I have taken the best lessons out of Ayn Rand's remarkable treatise titled, "The Virtues of Selfishness." If you don't give your own self priority, if you don't look after your health, appearance and well being, you can't make anyone around you happy either. Being 'constructively selfish' is very different from being mean and self-centered. Similarly, vanity is not just about narcissism. It extends well beyond that narrow definition. As a responsible person, you owe it to yourself to eat smart, live smart, look good. If your self image is positive, you will convey positive vibes to those around you. A frustrated, embittered person who refuses to address the issues that lead to a negative approach, will find it difficult to overcome life's many hurdles. Invest in yourself-because you are worth it!

2. Learn to let go Easier said than done. But it is possible. Baggage weighs you down, makes you miserable. What's the point of going over the minutae of a relationship that has soured? Once it's over, it's over. Move on. Take your time to come to terms with the break. But don't keep brooding once you have made the decision to part. This applies equally to a bad experience with a stranger who may have duped you. Learn from it, but discard the negative emotion generated by the memory. It serves zero purpose. The only thing that works in a break up, is a clinical incision that cuts neatly and permanently. Remember, sutures heal. A festering wound, oozes.

3. Teach yourself to trust Agreed the world isn't the most amazing place, but it isn't all that terrible either. These days, suspicion rules. We are constantly looking over our shoulders to see who's carrying a knife... the same one that will stab us in the back the moment our attention gets diverted. Husbands and wives play cat-and- mouse games. Siblings don't trust each other, children accuse their parents of vile acts, and parents are wary of their kids. Isn't that sad? Forget business partnerships where nobody trusts anybody. It appears as if we are all lone warriors ready to attack at the first sign of aggression. But the minute you surrender your doubts and stop being cynical, you realize just how many wonderful people there are out there, who ?may actually risk their own lives to save yours!

4. Express gratitude
Articulate your feelings when someone does you a good turn. Don't take it for granted that people owe it to you to be 'nice'. This is entirely untrue. Goodness and grace , especially with no strings attached, need to be recognised, at least in your own busy heart. Ideally, write the person a warm and sincere note appreciating the gesture... pick up the phone... send a text. These are life's unexpected moments, make sure you remain tuned in to them.

5. Slow down
I completely mean that, even if I don't adhere to it myself. I know I'm pushing the pace, I know I need to cut the speed... but I say helplessly, "I can't!" Rubbish. There is nothing that compelling... nothing that can't be kept on hold. And yet, here I am lunatically hurtling towards some self-defined goal. What on earth for? I see countless clones around me making the same mistake. Often, I 'advise' them to take a break. But what about my own crazy schedule? The good part is I am aware of my punishing routine. Chances are, I'll fix it soon. Wish me luck!

6. Touch and go
Really, that's all it needs-one tiny touch before you get busy. Just that hurried physical contact with someone you care for, is enough to last several hours and offer comfort. We have stopped hugging one another... why, we rarely hug our own children. No wonder India's Hugging Saint has become a world -wide phenomenon. She has tapped into a vacant space and found countless takers. Everyone needs to be hugged, stroked, embraced, cuddled, kissed, caressed. Even a pet at home demands a pat of appreciation. Imagine then what we are missing out on? Forget hugging, we no longer make direct eye contact. Isn't that sad? Make it a point to demonstrate your affection by reaching out briefly, at least once a day... it's worth the effort many times over. If nothing else works, hire a masseur for a more professional 'touch'.

7. Listen with your heart
Not just your ears. So often, we pretend to be listening, our ears hear the words being spoken, but our hearts are elsewhere, and nothing really registers later. What an insult to the person doing the talking. The problem is our attention spans have shrunk to an extent we no longer invest even a bit of our precious micro-seconds on another's situation, unless it directly impacts our own! Matlab ki baat hai. Cacophony has replaced conversation. Selective deafness dominates social intercourse.

8. Confide
Secrecy has its uses. But so does a confession. Confidantes come with in-built risks, unless you are blessed enough to stumble upon a friend or a family elder you can trust. While it isn't all that easy to find such persons, it's worth taking a chance with someone who inspires a certain level of confidence...enough for you to get a few things off your chest, and feel lighter. In these ultra- paranoid times, we tend to keep everything bottled up, afraid that even a small slip up will be used against us by the very person(s),who has feigned sympathy and interest in the problem. Well... so be it! You win some and lose some. Betrayal can be devastating. But it's still better to seek advice by sharing those troubling problems than living with a constant feeling of being choked.

9. Shut up!!
That's right. Keep quiet. Not every argument needs a resolution. Life is more than a game of one upmanship. Often, there is more charm and satisfaction in holding ones peace, especially if tempers are running high. If one person backs off and stays quiet, chances are the argument itself loses steam and fizzles out. In retrospect, the whole thing looks absurd and exaggerated, anyway. So, why not be the bigger person, and back off?

10. Have a heart
This is about compassion, yes. But on a more selfish level, it is about following your heart, too. If your heart isn't in what you do, walk away. You cannot succeed in either a career or a relationship that you aren't embracing-whole- heartedly. Imagine being stuck in a job or a marriage that only gives you grief! What for? As the cliché goes, life is way to short to throw it away on activities that are devoid of joy. The minute you opt for something or someone you love, you will succeed. The heart has its reasons....as Pascal wrote years ago. Listen to it...

11. Stop being a control freak
Of course we all want to stay on top of our lives and all that. But at what cost?? Cardiac arrest? Hypertension? I am the first one to admit, I get disoriented if I am not in control of my time and activities. I realise it's a dumb thing to do, and am actively addressing the syndrome. I spot similar victims around me. How silly are we to think we can actually control anything! Being reasonably organised is one thing. Being obsessive about it, another. I'm striving to find the right balance. So should you.

12. Count
No, not just your blessings (which you should and must), but count... as in 1-2-3-4-5, before you make an important decision, or lose your temper. Believe me, counting has saved many a job and marriage! The trick is to remember to do so ... on time! Counting slowly and with concentration, buys time, and that, as any skillful negotiator will tell you, ensures you have the advantage, while your opponent fumes. It's not important to win every debate. But the fragile state of your arteries? Now, that's important.
13. Compliment people
Why stinge on praise? Who doesn't like to be appreciated? Walk up to the person who has earned your respect, and say so. It costs nothing, but goes a long way in the long run. Never be fake in this regard, for soon you'll be found out. There's nothing more annoying than discovering a double-faced hypocrite, who lays it on when face-to-face and trashes you when your back is turned. Say it when you mean it. But say it! Recognising someone else's gifts will make you a better person automatically.

14. Music
You know why it is called the balm for the soul? Because music alone has the ability to calm, soothe, heal, restore and music asks for nothing in return. One of the best, most thoughtful birthday gifts I received was from my friend Gitaah ( God bless her!). Being a singer and a music lover, who has frequently transported audiences through her gift ( what a voice! Where does it come from?), Gitaah took the immense trouble to load over 300 of my very special songs and tracks on a dinky, little iPod, before presenting it to me with a sweet and affectionate note on a recent birthday. I was so touched, so thrilled and so moved, I couldn't stop weeping.... or singing! The iPod has since become my best friend and most favoured stress-buster. Apart from any therapeutic value it provides, the sheer, unadulterated pleasure of surrendering to music, be it Elvis Presley, Bhimsen Joshi, A.R. Rahman or Tchaikovsky, makes me feel one with the divine. It also makes me acutely aware of the fact that I had down-graded music in my silly list of priorities for way too long. I am delighted to report it is now back where it belongs-right up there with the few priceless treasures I most value. These days, listening to the most mindless Bollywood dance tracks on my priceless present, brings an instant smile to the lips... my feet start tapping and life itself appears as gaudy and unreal as Om Shanti Om!

15. Cry your eyes out
Go on.... it's such a great feeling. There's nothing as de-stressing as a really good cry. Don't make it a habit, though. Save up those tears for something worthy. But once they start, don't stop them. We have forgotten how to cry! We have no time to shed those clogged up tears. In the process, we have let our tear ducts dry up, so when we really, really need to let go, nothing emerges from those dry, cold eyes. I cry very easily, much to the embarrassment of my family. Why, I even cry while watching the stupidest Bollywood film. But mainly, it's music that makes me cry. And beauty. The helplessness and trust of innocent children has the same effect. As do sunsets... and the goodness of strangers. Men suppress their tears because society doesn't endorse them. I think the world would be a far better, less aggressive place if men were to cry more than they do at present . I want to tell them, real men do -and should cry. It makes men more human. And therefore, more attractive. ?Let the 'kerchiefs do their job, guys-cry away. And feel happy doing so!

16. Extend help
If you find yourself in a situation where your intervention would lead to a positive outcome, go ahead and extend your hand. Don't walk away when you see someone in distress. Make a phone call, if nothing else. Often, summoning help (police, doctor, ambulance), can make the difference between life and death. Surely, you'll hate yourself later for not doing something when you could?? We have become far too indifferent and insular to the suffering of fellow beings-nobody wants to get 'involved'. Why not? Only cowards walk away from a crisis. Intervening in a crisis ought to be an obligation for anybody caught in such a situation . You must do whatever is needed at that point to aid the victim. Remember, ?it could be you, lying there bleeding on the ground while people jump over your prone body and leave you to die.

17. Grow a garden
You don't need acres of space to achieve this-a small patch will do. And if even that is not available, get yourself a few hardy indoor plants. Most Indian homes keep a Tulsi on the kitchen windowsill. Apart from the traditional significance, Tulsi's medicinal properties are well-documented. Given the sensitive nature of my throat, and the high pollution levels in Mumbai, I scrupulously chew five Tulsi leaves dipped in honey, first thing in the morning. My throat has been behaving ever since I started the routine. My own little garden at home is very precious to me, and hugely therapeutic. On days when I wake up feeling blah, and I see the hibiscus in full bloom, my spirits soar at the beautiful sight. Taking care of plants makes you feel responsible for life itself. Tending rose bushes, or merely watering lucky bamboos, is an act that is strangely satisfying. I take the arrival of each new leaf of the Frangipani as a personal victory!

18. Money madness
Agreed. Moolah helps. Big moolah helps hugely. But can it save a lost soul? We all need money. But do we need to chase it at the cost of all else-health, family, fun? When was the last time you stopped running after a monetary goal and said to yourself, "The hell with that extra buck in the bank... I'm going to a movie." Try suggesting that to a young person and see the expression of utter and total disbelief on the face. "Are you mad? Have you lost it? The markets are opening in New York \Hong Kong\Tokyo... there's so much riding on the dollar... and you want me to miss out on a possible killing?" But what about missing out on life? A walk in the rain? When was the last time you stopped to watch a sunset? Heard a bird sing? Admired a painting? Whistled an old, forgotten tune? In our mindless pursuit of wealth and status, we are cheating ourselves of simple, everyday pleasures that once recharged our batteries and energised us. Money has become sexier than sex itself! The biggest turn on for a generation that foolishly believes plastic makes the impossible, possible. 'Have credit card, will over-spend' is the mantra that provides all the orgasms. The sickness of compulsive consumerism is catching on rapidly. The only thing that can save us is reconnecting ... with one another, and our past.

19. Eat, drink and be merry
Yup. But make sure you do so minus guilt. Eating each meal with enthusiasm and gusto does not make you a glutton! Food-whether it's comfort food or a gourmet meal-is the provider of elementary but immense pleasure. To remain indifferent to the everyday act of eating, is to deny yourself a great source of happiness. No matter what's on your thali, if you pay attention to it, respect the person who has cooked it, and engage yourself fully in the act of eating, on a very conscious level, you will automatically find yourself getting drawn into a more sensual world, experiencing something vivid and wonderful. Great food has great recall. Remembering memorable meals is a pleasure in itself. Aaah, when it comes to drink, to each his own. If you like your alcohol, consume it sans pressure. There is no point in being a closet drinker, which can lead to clinical depression. Drink when you are in the mood, drink with people you feel comfortable with, drink if you want to celebrate. But don't drink if you think alcohol takes away sorrow. For, all it does is compound it. As for being merry-that's easy! Good food, good wine and good company-what's your excuse??

20. Learn to lose

It's really ok to not win every single time. And it's also ok to feel terrible when you lose. But feeling terrible and giving in to depression or feelings of low self- worth, are not the same thing. Losing with grace is an art in itself. Knowing when to quit, is another. Nobody stays ahead of the game permanently. Win some, lose some-that's how it goes. And always will. Losing to an opponent who deserves to win, is easy. But conceding defeat to a duffer can be a killer. Losing with ones dignity intact provides a different high, and if you can achieve the feat, you emerge a stronger person. Lose with a smile, even if at that point all you want to do is cry. I remember how devastated I felt during an inter-school athletics championship, when our relay team lost to a rival school because of a clumsy baton pass. That tiny error cost us the coveted shield. We were shattered and upset, till our games teacher told us to cheer up and smile. What about the loss, we asked glumly. She just grinned and said, "Because people look their best when they are able to rise above defeat.'' Brilliant! Had she added to our despondency at that point by chastising us, we would have reveled in it, but by providing an inspirational message, she made us feel instantly better about ourselves. We went back the next year determined to regain the trophy-and did just that!

21. Sleep
Sounds simple, and therefore unimportant. But do you know that women, in particular, go through life in a state of serious sleep deprivation? That most of them never ever 'catch up' on lost slumber? Have you also wondered why international researchers spend so much time and money going into the intricacies of sleep disturbances these days? It's because scientists have discovered the far-reaching devastation caused by insufficient sleep...and the picture isn't looking good. A charged-up female executive I met in Delhi told me she had turned into an insomniac due to the demanding nature of her work. She finds herself tossing and turning in bed, hours after switching off the lights. "I can't wait for morning... I am unable to relax....I am addicted to stress!" She claims she has tried it all-meditation, deep breathing exercises, yoga, a shot of cognac, a glass of milk, a warm bath.... even boring books. Nothing works. Her mind is in overdrive, she is overwrought, and she resents the hours 'wasted' in sleep. Phew! The consequences have been terrible-she has no friends, no family life , and no leisure. She falls sick more often than she cares to admit, and any suggestion that she needs to slow down , is met with a derisive, dismissive snort.Well, here's an admission: while listening to her story, I found several echoes in my own life. I too underestimate the healing value of sleep and tend to push myself long after the world has called it a day. I abhor afternoon siestas, even though I know how restful they are (ten years ago, I couldn't do without my post-lunch nap). I feel guilty and wretched on the rare occasions when I cat-nap. I also feel frustrated when I watch the rest of my family sleeping peacefully. Like the driven executive, I too am crippled by the thought that I'm 'wasting time' by sleeping. But at least, I am aware of my short-sightedness and plan to address it soon. Babies and puppies look wonderful because they sleep most of the time! We have to wake up to the fact that eight hours of sleep restores us more effectively than all those multi-vits we pop. Let's learn a little from the Latinos who eat well, drink well, sleep well... and make time for love.

22. Dance
A few months ago, I attended Shiamak Davar's amazing musical revue titled, "I Believe". I have watched Shiamak grow into a consummate performer over the past 25 years. But more than that, I have seen him use dance as a movement that transforms lives. It is inspirational and exhilarating to see how energetically Shiamak has spread the message of love, peace, harmony by getting everybody to get up and dance, regardless of any consideration. You don't need to be young, slim, supple, sexy or hot. You don't have to wear a leotard or make-up. You only have to get to your feet and sway to the beat. Anybody can do that-even someone with two left feet!Shiamak's approach to dance is spiritual and uplifting, as is evident from his inclusive style of teaching. Whether the participant is in a wheel chair, or otherwise physically challenged, Shiamak designs a role that accommodates each disability, without the person feeling in the least patronised or pitied. Dance with Dignity is his message. And it works. Free style dancing is easy... unlike classical dance forms that require training, discipline and talent. Dancing for the love of dancing, frees you from self-consciousness, even if you think you lack the grace and rhythm to move to the music. Who cares? You aren't going to be judged. And you aren't being watched. It's not 'Naach Baliye'... and you should tell yourself to just let go.... whirl, twirl, jump and swirl. If you prefer dancing with other people, why not enroll for Dancercise classes? Sweat it out... trust me, it's far more fun than hours spent on a treadmill. Go for it... if 50 Cent and hip- hop tracks do it for you, shake that leg, move those hips... shake, rattle and roll.

23. Embrace life
As the cliché goes, life is way too short to begin with. Why fight when you can love? When you embrace life unconditionally, you value each and every moment. And when each moment becomes precious enough, you derive the maximum enjoyment out of it. In that beautiful moment, you discover God. And goodness... love and laughter. Peace and beauty. Finding God has been our quest since time immemorial. We foolishly look for him in the most obvious of places-temples, churches, mosques and synagogues. On mountain tops and in the sky. When in reality, we should be looking no further than within our own hearts. God is an emotion. Life is God. Cherish life and you will find God. When you find God, happiness will find you!

24. Daan
Charity does not begin and end with writing a fat cheque and sitting back smugly thinking you've done something commendable. Giving, in the true sense, goes beyond donating money. It involves giving of yourself. Sharing time and emotions, interests and ideas. It's about real enrichment of yourself, and others who can benefit from your experience. There is a beautiful word called 'daan', which defies accurate translation. 'Daan' is an all-encompassing act, that includes kindness and compassion, as much as donations and gifts. Serving the less fortunate, in whichever capacity, makes you aware of your own good fortune, fills you with grace and gratitude, humility and joy. It doesn't have to be a grand gesture. Not everyone is Warren Buffet or Bill Gates-but look at their examples. Even an everyday act of concern, a reaching out to someone who needs help, is in itself a fulfilling way of compensating for an otherwise self- centered existence. I know people who volunteer time and effort, working with cancer afflicted children, most of them terminally ill. Each hospital visit drains them completely. Yet, they go back, week after week because they know within themselves that their precious time is best served with children who have very little of that precise commodity themselves.The world is waking up to the pure joy of giving. Some of the biggest names in entertainment, make sure they participate in programmes that support deserving causes, be it AIDS or female infanticide. The message their involvement sends out is powerful enough to motivate thousands of others globally to engage in similar movements that eventually lead to permanent change and personal transformations. Even if you don't have the time to participate in such organisations, why not start in your own backyard? How about spending half an hour teaching an under-privileged child in your locality? Spreading literacy and empowering even a single person, will make a huge difference, as anybody who has done so, will tell you. The day that same child comes to meet you armed with a college degree , may turn out to be one of the most memorable days of your life.

25. Just do it
Impossible is nothing. Strange, how the tag line of a world famous brand has the power to push individuals into new directions. Whether or not Nike sold more trainers with the 'Just Do It,' ad campaign is irrelevant. But so many years after it was launched, I still quote it to people who dither over decisions. There is something so compelling about the essential message-an inbuilt urgency that demands instant action. No matter how big or small the issue, the idea is to handle it well. To optimise, to do it with all your heart. Whenever I find myself feeling demotivated, I recall the slogan and get to the task with fresh enthusiasm. It helps that I love what I do. And that's the other thing-if you don't actively love your vocation, you'll remain resentful and miserable, crippled by self-doubt and waiting to opt out. So, make sure you identify ?that which you enjoy more than anything else-and success is bound to follow.Have a wonderful 2008.


About Shobhaa De:-

Shobhaa Dé (b. 7 January 1948) is an Indian columnist and novelist often called India's Jackie Collins. Born Shobha Rajadhyaksha in a Maharashtrian Saraswat Brahmin family, she graduated from St. Xavier's College, Mumbai with a degree in psychology. After making her name as a model, she began a career in journalism in 1970, in the course of which she founded and edited three popular magazines – Stardust, Society, and Celebrity.


At present, she is a freelance writer and columnist for several newspapers and magazines. She lives with her second husband, Dilip De and their six children, in Cuffe Parade, Mumbai.

Books

* Starry Nights - Penguin, New Delhi, 1991.
* Socialite Evenings - Penguin, New Delhi, 1989.
* Shooting from the hip - UBS, Delhi, 1994.
* Sultry Days - Penguin, New Delhi. 1994.
* Sisters - Penguin, New Delhi. 1992.
* Small betrayals - UBS Publishers' Distributors, 1995
* Second Thoughts - Penguin, New Delhi. 1996.
* Selective Memory - Penguin, New Delhi. 1998.
* Speedpost - Penguin, New Delhi. 1999.
* Surviving Men - Penguin, New Delhi, 1998
* Strange Obsession –
* Snapshots
* Spouse: The truth about marriage
* Uncertain Liaisons - Penguin, New Delhi. 1993.

Happy and Prosperous New Year 2008

source: The Week

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